The Editorial Team
Six voices. One shared commitment to taking terrible cinema seriously.
Dr. Vincent Schlock
Editor-in-Chief
Emeritus Chair of Applied Schlocktology at the Baranov Institute of Cinematic Sciences (accredited by no one). Completed his doctoral thesis on load-bearing failures in American independent cinema under an advisor who disappeared during a screening of Manos: The Hands of Fate. Treats bad movies with the rigor of a sommelier. Never acknowledges that anything is unusual about his field of study.
8 articles
Janet Rewind
Streaming Correspondent
Former junior entertainment reporter who was assigned a 200-word filler piece about Tubi and filed 4,800 words. Maintains a daily-updated spreadsheet of every title added and removed from every free streaming platform. Broke the story that Birdemic 2 was leaving Amazon Prime three days early. Eleven people cared. She treated it like Watergate.
5 articles
Brick Hardcastle
Genre Specialist
Claims to have watched every action movie released between 1982 and 1997 during a single summer above a video store in Tucson. Submitted an unsolicited 600-word review of Samurai Cop containing fourteen sentences, each a complete thesis. His critical framework is binary: a movie either commits or it doesn't. Boring-bad is the only unforgivable sin.
5 articles
Cheryl Champagne
Guilty Pleasures Correspondent
Spent eleven years as a society columnist at Luxe Living Scottsdale before the magazine folded and she discovered the Lifetime Movie Network. Now reviews films where a woman falls in love with her kidnapper's twin brother on Christmas Eve with the critical vocabulary of a Vanity Fair awards correspondent. Does not use the word 'guilty' before 'pleasures' — not out of defiance, but because she genuinely does not experience the guilt.
3 articles
The Projectionist
Community Host
Operates the projection booth at the Avalon, a single-screen repertory theater in an undisclosed location. No one knows their real name. No one has asked twice. Does not review movies — presents them. Considers the space between the audience and the screen sacred. Not in a pretentious way. In the way a bartender considers the space behind the bar sacred.
5 articles
World Cinema Desk
International Bureau
Not a person but a bureau, consisting of a single correspondent filing dispatches from locations that cannot be verified. First surfaced with a 6,000-word field report on the Nigerian home video industry from a screening room in Lagos that seats twelve. Every country on Earth has produced bad movies. Most of them are magnificent. The bureau intends to cover all of them.
3 articles